i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
