im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
