That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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