After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
