the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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