I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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