Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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