my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
