i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
