they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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