Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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