i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
