Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize