I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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