I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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