i think my mom watched the whole time
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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