I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
