It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
