I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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