we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
