hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
