Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
