If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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