well I can't set my house on fire every night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
