Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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