I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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