come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
