I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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