i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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