There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
