so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
