Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
