Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
