Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
