there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
