so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My liver is preforming stress tests.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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