i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
