You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
