i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
