goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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