Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
