Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
