So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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