Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
