Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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