I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize