I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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