Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So much rum. So many feels.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
