I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
