My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh god it's open bar.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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