her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
