Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize