morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
where are you?
Hypothermia
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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