I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
