im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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